Funny SMS Kraze

A couple on their honeymoon, lying in bed, honeymoon suite Tinto Hotel, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've only been with one guy before."
"Oh yes? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yes it was."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yes? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yes? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it again."
The guy, not to be outshone slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.
When they finish he's really tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole.

English Sms Jokes

THIS IS A NONPARTISAN JOKE THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY BOTH PARTIES!
NOT ONLY THAT-- it is POLITICALLY CORRECT!!

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the senator.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the senator. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
What happened?'

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning.. ..



Today you voted.

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?' Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you £500.'

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.

Sue told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 pm. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of £500 - they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.

Jim quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. And upon arriving, asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'

With a lump in her throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.' Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, 'And did he give you £500?'

Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did give me £500.'

Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He came by the office this morning and borrowed £500 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.'

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player . . .

English Love Sms Jokes

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and
we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'

The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
fascinate, not fascinating'.

Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see RockCity and I > was fascinated.'

The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the
word 'fascinate'

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been
burned by little Johnny before.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate',
so she called on him.

Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'

The teacher sat down and cried.

English Funny Sms Jokes

While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the sand and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said,

"Master, may I grant you one wish?"

Osama responded, "You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything."

The shocked genie said, "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever."

Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said, "Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you." The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared.

The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton at his side. His pen!s was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.

English Funny Sms

Funny Exam Paper

[This one's little difficult than last year's]

1. Write your name in less than 20 minutes and 20 letters (only alphabet are allowed, no numeric
digits or "_" allowed)

2. Sex?
( ) Male
( ) Female
( ) Don't know.

3. What's your age group?
( ) less than 0
( ) equal to 0
( ) greater than 0

4. What is 2 + 2=?
( ) FOUR
( ) 4
( ) IV

5. If you have one brother, how many brothers
does your brother have?
( ) none
( ) one
( ) question is too personal

6. Complete the following sentence... (4marks)
______ ________ ________ _________ .

7. If there are 365 days in a year, how many days make a year?
Vpaki.Com
8. Read the statement carefully and answer the following question:
"My mother's daughter's brother's mother's mother's daughter's husband's wife is my mother herself".

Q. How many times the word "mother" appears in the above statement?
( ) None
( ) some times
( ) uncountable

9. If someone gives you a rupee for 100 paise, would you get:
( ) One rupee?
( ) 100 paise?

10. Write an Essay on "MYSELF" in not more than three sentences...
(HINT: My Name is ___________ (same as in [1] ).
I am a _______(boy/girl). (I am writing an essay.)

11. If the time is 3.00 a. m., what does your digital watch show?

12. At what time does the 11.16 hours Indrayani Express come?

13. What do you do on a honeymoon?
( ) Collect Honey
( ) Admire Moon
( ) Collect Honey while admiring the moon

14. Earth is Flat?
( ) False
( ) Indeed False

15. If A = B and B = C then is B = A?
( ) TRUE
( ) NOT FALSE
( ) OUT OF SYLLABUS
Sardar Ji Sms
16. If you eat lunch during lunchtime, what will you have during dinnertime?

17. Think and write the present tense of THOUGHT.

18. Complete the following poem:
Mary had a little lamb
Little lamb little lamb_ (HINT: "." or "@" or"^")

19. This is question number
( ) 1
( ) 19
( ) 20

20. If 2 + 3 = 5, 3 + 2 = 5??
( ) YES
( ) I FORGOT TO GET MY CALCULATOR

21. Write full form of ASAP, as soon as possible ( Hint...As Soon as.. )

22. Opposite of the word "IN" is
( ) NOT IN
( ) CRICKET
( ) HOCKEY


23. What is the capital of India?
( ) India
( ) INDia
( ) INDIA

24. a, e, i, o and u are collectively called "vowels". What are e, a,o, u and i called?

25. Fill in the blank:
I am _________ a letter.
( ) READING
( ) WRITING
( ) SEALING

26. Who was the first MAN to land on moon?
( ) MR. ARMSTRONG
( ) MISS ARMSTRONG
( ) MRS ARMSTRONG

27. What comes first?
( ) the Egg
( ) the Omelet

28. Can you count more than five using your hands?
( ) YES
( ) NO

29. Spell M-Y-T-H-O-L-O-G-Y

30. Mrs. Sinha is Mr. Sinha's
( ) Father
( ) Brother
( ) Son
( ) Daughter

31. Car A starts from X and car B starts from Y. X and Y are located 100 miles apart from each other. How many wheels does each car have?
( ) One
( ) Four
( ) Seven

32. To reach the 12th floor of the World Trade Center, how many buttons would you press in the elevator?
( ) ONE
( ) TWELVE

33. Complete the following series [this question carries 3 marks]
1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, _, _, _.

34. This one tests your imagination. SUN is nearer to India than AMERICA because...
( ) SUN is smaller than AMERICA
( ) One can see SUN, but not AMERICA
( ) I do not have any time left to think on this one.

35. On which day Good Friday falls
( ) Sunday
( ) Wednesday
( ) Saturday

1) Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the villain (who is the *real* bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine - see rule 2 below).


2) if the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will a) die b) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.


3) If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

English Funny Sms
4) Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be overruled. Else, it will be sustained.


5) The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide.


6) In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.


7) When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
a) miss
b) run out of bullets. When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule 2).


8 ) Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of a) pots b) barrels c) glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.


9) Any movie involving lost and found brothers will have a song sung by
a) the brothers
b) their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the climax)
c) the family dog/cat.

English Love Sms
10) 10. Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in two categories:
a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killedby the villain before the titles.
b) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in Rule 1), saying "Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte", only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with the anti-hero.
c) The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.

Wife Wanted

FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of the motorboat.

SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelors around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and successful career!

ECONOMIST
There is demand of a wife. Though supply is no problem, my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.

MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.

IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the inclusion of a wife into the programming of my life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue.

BUSINESS MAN
Wife wanted for company.

POLITICIAN
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society..... ......... ... (etc etc and never getting to the point)

CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition. Should not have a third party insurance.

FARMER
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.

LAWYER
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly - a girl with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would be overruled. Apply in strictest confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on your part of any kind whatsoever.

PILOT
Wife required to fly through life together. Only level headed applicants need apply. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!

BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service for which no service charges would be payable.

ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl endowed with mind boggling assets + a good head for figures. remember BOTH conditions need be fulfilled. Tendency towards making unnecessary expenditure will prove to be a liability in the selection process. Her very nature should be one of generating as more income in my life as possible. She will be profited from the alliance with a nice personality [ME] and this relation will be to the credit of her family.

SHARABI
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round that is only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can take me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be ample.

BUILDER
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up. Pillars of solid saftey and beams of understanding will be provided.

DOCTOR
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness i am experiencing. She must be capable of injecting happiness in my life. She should not wrangle me in the vicious circle of multiple tests. However if she feels the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.

ARMY COMMANDO
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Camouflage provided.

RACE CAR DRIVER
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace.

ASTRONAUT
I'm searching for a wife to fill the black hole my life has become. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world.

* Quaid-e-Azam Paindabad
Hello,Hope enjoying the best of ur health and independence.Lets pray 4 our beloved Quaid Muhammad Ali Jinnah as he will be remember 4 years and years.Pakistan zindabad Quaid-e-Azam Paindabad:-)

English Friendship SMS

* Give me money...
Begger: sir plz give Rs.6 for coffeee?

Man: Coffee? It's Rs.3.

Begger: 1 for my girlfriennd ad 1 for me..

Man: Wow!!U too made GF?

Begger: No sir..Gf made me...4 (......)
* Kindly let me know is it singular or plural
Kindly let me know is it singular or plural

for this question Santa's son was slapped

by his Grammer teacher :



Why did the Grammer teacher slap Santa's Son?


B'coz he asked: Why is BRA Singular, when it covers 2 items

&

PANTIES Plural when it Covers one item?


* If Dhoni Weds Sania.
If Dhoni Weds Sania.

What Would Their First Child Be Named
-
-
-
-
Think..
-
-
-
-
Think..
-
-
-
-

-
-
-
-
Think..
-
-
-
-
Dhania.


* Sum1 Kills AMIR’S GF
Sum1 Kills AMIR’S GF

& He Loses His Memory.

Thn He Tries To Findout D Killer.

Suspense:AMIR Himself Is D Killer.

Now Enjoy Watchng GHAJINI
* women for mathemeticians
1. To find a woman you need Time and Money.
Therefore
Woman = Time * Money

2. "Time is Money"
So
Time = Money

3.Therefore
Woman = Money * Money

4. "Money is the root of all problem"
Money = Sqrt(Problem)

5. Therefore
Woman = Problem.

Santa Banta Jokes

* Democratic difference b/w USA & PAKISTAN
Democratic difference b/w USA & PAKISTAN

In USA U can kiss in a public place but can't susu.

In Pakistan U can susu in a public place but can't kiss:-)

Letter is from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft
Subject: Problems with my new computer.

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some
problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I
find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find'
button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is noteven a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not
provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,

Banta

Last one to Mr Bill Gates :

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS??

English Funny Santa Banta Sms
English Friendship SMS

3 Parrots
A man wanted to buy a parrot for his son as a birthday present.
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw
three identical parrots in a cage.

He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?


The owner said it was Rs. 2500.
"Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk.
"He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."

The man then asked what the second parrot cost.
The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,
but is an expert Dot Net Programmer
Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."
Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.
The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything and I really don’t know about his expertise.

But the other two call him "BOSS"!!


Vpaki.Com

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you...to leave."

Man: "Hey Cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"
Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

English Funny Sms
English Love SMS

An INTERVIEW

OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY

CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR

OFFICER : YOUR FATHER'S NAME ?

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?

CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR

OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?

CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR

OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION?

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ?

CANDIDATE : METRIC PASS sir

OFFICER : WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ?

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?

CANDIDATE : MONEY PROBLEM SIR

OFFICER : DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY

CANDIDATE : MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR

OFFICER : THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : WHAT IS IT NOW

CANDIDATE : MY PERFORMANCE....? sir

OFFICER : M P !!!

CANDIDATE : WHAT IS THAT SIR..?

OFFICER : MENTALLY PUNCTURED

Cute English Funny Sms Jokes

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?" .
She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."

Husband:"That's it. We are happy ever after. "

Best Husband Wife Sms
Best Funny Sms

Well, Bill," said God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure
whether to send you to Heaven or Hell! After all, you helped society
enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet
you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've never
done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"

Mr. Gates replied, "Well, thanks, Lord. What's the difference between
the two?"

God said, "You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help
you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?" "Sure!" said Bill. "Let's go!"


Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters.
There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the
water, laughing and fro@@@@ about.

The sun was shining and the temperature was just perfect!

Bill said, "This is great! If this is Hell, I can't wait to see
Heaven!"

To which God replied, "Let's go!" and off they went. Bill saw puffy
white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing
harps and singing.

It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for
only a brief moment and rendered his decision.

"God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell."

"As you desire," said God.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see
how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming
among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by
demons.

"How ya doin', Bill?" asked God. Bill responded with anguish and
despair.

"This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to
the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?"

"Oh, THAT!" said God.
"That was the screen saver"....!!!!!!!!!

English Funny Jokes