Funny SMS Kraze

* Quaid-e-Azam Paindabad
Hello,Hope enjoying the best of ur health and independence.Lets pray 4 our beloved Quaid Muhammad Ali Jinnah as he will be remember 4 years and years.Pakistan zindabad Quaid-e-Azam Paindabad:-)

English Friendship SMS

* Give me money...
Begger: sir plz give Rs.6 for coffeee?

Man: Coffee? It's Rs.3.

Begger: 1 for my girlfriennd ad 1 for me..

Man: Wow!!U too made GF?

Begger: No sir..Gf made me...4 (......)
* Kindly let me know is it singular or plural
Kindly let me know is it singular or plural

for this question Santa's son was slapped

by his Grammer teacher :



Why did the Grammer teacher slap Santa's Son?


B'coz he asked: Why is BRA Singular, when it covers 2 items

&

PANTIES Plural when it Covers one item?


* If Dhoni Weds Sania.
If Dhoni Weds Sania.

What Would Their First Child Be Named
-
-
-
-
Think..
-
-
-
-
Think..
-
-
-
-

-
-
-
-
Think..
-
-
-
-
Dhania.


* Sum1 Kills AMIR’S GF
Sum1 Kills AMIR’S GF

& He Loses His Memory.

Thn He Tries To Findout D Killer.

Suspense:AMIR Himself Is D Killer.

Now Enjoy Watchng GHAJINI
* women for mathemeticians
1. To find a woman you need Time and Money.
Therefore
Woman = Time * Money

2. "Time is Money"
So
Time = Money

3.Therefore
Woman = Money * Money

4. "Money is the root of all problem"
Money = Sqrt(Problem)

5. Therefore
Woman = Problem.

Santa Banta Jokes

* Democratic difference b/w USA & PAKISTAN
Democratic difference b/w USA & PAKISTAN

In USA U can kiss in a public place but can't susu.

In Pakistan U can susu in a public place but can't kiss:-)

Letter is from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft
Subject: Problems with my new computer.

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some
problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I
find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find'
button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is noteven a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not
provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,

Banta

Last one to Mr Bill Gates :

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS??

English Funny Santa Banta Sms
English Friendship SMS

3 Parrots
A man wanted to buy a parrot for his son as a birthday present.
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw
three identical parrots in a cage.

He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?


The owner said it was Rs. 2500.
"Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk.
"He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."

The man then asked what the second parrot cost.
The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,
but is an expert Dot Net Programmer
Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."
Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.
The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything and I really don’t know about his expertise.

But the other two call him "BOSS"!!


Vpaki.Com

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you...to leave."

Man: "Hey Cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"
Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

English Funny Sms
English Love SMS

An INTERVIEW

OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY

CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR

OFFICER : YOUR FATHER'S NAME ?

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?

CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR

OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?

CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR

OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION?

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ?

CANDIDATE : METRIC PASS sir

OFFICER : WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ?

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?

CANDIDATE : MONEY PROBLEM SIR

OFFICER : DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY

CANDIDATE : MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR

OFFICER : THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : WHAT IS IT NOW

CANDIDATE : MY PERFORMANCE....? sir

OFFICER : M P !!!

CANDIDATE : WHAT IS THAT SIR..?

OFFICER : MENTALLY PUNCTURED

Cute English Funny Sms Jokes

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?" .
She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."

Husband:"That's it. We are happy ever after. "

Best Husband Wife Sms
Best Funny Sms

Well, Bill," said God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure
whether to send you to Heaven or Hell! After all, you helped society
enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet
you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've never
done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"

Mr. Gates replied, "Well, thanks, Lord. What's the difference between
the two?"

God said, "You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help
you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?" "Sure!" said Bill. "Let's go!"


Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters.
There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the
water, laughing and fro@@@@ about.

The sun was shining and the temperature was just perfect!

Bill said, "This is great! If this is Hell, I can't wait to see
Heaven!"

To which God replied, "Let's go!" and off they went. Bill saw puffy
white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing
harps and singing.

It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for
only a brief moment and rendered his decision.

"God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell."

"As you desire," said God.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see
how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming
among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by
demons.

"How ya doin', Bill?" asked God. Bill responded with anguish and
despair.

"This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to
the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?"

"Oh, THAT!" said God.
"That was the screen saver"....!!!!!!!!!

English Funny Jokes