Funny SMS Kraze

Kiss at different ages

2011-07-12T07:12:00.002-07:00

♥ Age 13 ♥
Boy: Can I kiss you?
Girl: No my dads watching..=(

♥ Age 16 ♥
...Boy: Can I kiss you now?
Girl: Just a peck on the cheek..=)

♥ Age 18 ♥
Boy: Your an adult now !Can I ki....
*Girl kisses him :*** Muuwwaaahhh :***

Marriage Certificate...

2011-07-12T07:12:00.001-07:00

Me..:) ♥
Boy:- Hey ?
Girl:- Yeah...How are you?
Boy:- I am fine. Can you make My Biggest dream come true ?
You are the only one Who can do soO...
...Girl:- Sure..wh at's your dream. .???
Boy:- I just want your one signature darling... please...
Girl:- Don't be sad baby, where you want my signature. ?
Boy:- On Our 'Marriage Certificate...' ♥

Never hate those people

2011-07-12T07:11:00.002-07:00

Never hate those people who are jealous of you
But
Respect their jealousy

Because
They are the ones
Who think that You are better than them.:-)

The worlds best moment:

2011-07-12T07:11:00.001-07:00

The worlds best moment:
An insecure girl nervously asks her guy to describe her in one word..!
She silently prays that he would say something nice like...
Sweet,

...Cute,

Beautiful, etc....

The guy looks up, meets her eyes and with a half crooked smile says.....

"MINE".....!!

Naram Rawaiya Rakho

2011-07-12T07:10:00.000-07:00

Har KISI k Sath Naram Rawaiya
Rakho

Un Logo K Sath Bhi Jo
Tumhare Sath BAD-MIZAJ
...Hon

Is Liye Nahi K WO Ache Nahi Hei'n
Bal K Is Liye K TUM To Ache
ho...*

Spend Life With Me

2011-07-12T07:09:00.002-07:00

I Asked Her What She Planned On
Doing For The Rest Of Her Life.

Then She Said
"I Don't Know,"
...
I Got Down On One Knee
... And Said;
"Wanna Spend It With Me?

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I JUST LOVE YOU..

2011-07-12T07:09:00.001-07:00

He says.. " I don't love you... "
His eyes.. say " I'm crazy about you.. ♥ .. "

He says.. " I'm happy without you.. "
His eyes say.. " I'm nowhere without you.. ♥ .. "
...
He says.. he has many to take care of him..
His eyes say.. " But.. no one cares like you do .. ♥ .. "

He asks me to hold some one else's hand..
His eyes say.. " never leave me.. ♥ .. "

He says.. " you're just a good friend.. "
His eyes say.. " I can't see you to be someone else's.. ♥ .. "

He says.. "Go away "
His eyes say.. " stay till my last heartbeat.. ♥ .. "

He says.. "Don't kiss me.. "
His eyes say.. " Don't follow my words.. ♥ .. "

He says.. " wait for now.. "
His eyes say.. " let's fall for each other.. ♥ .. "

He says.. " I'm confused.. "
His eyes say.. " I JUST LOVE YOU.. ♥.. ♥

What do you Want more than Anything ??

2011-07-12T07:07:00.002-07:00

Boy:
What do you Want more than Anything ??

Girl:
To be Standing in the Middle of the Street;
...In the Pouring Rain,
And have the Love of My Life; Kissing Me, :***
What about you ?? =)

Boy:
To be the One kissing you..♥ :* =)

Three words are not enough...

2011-07-12T07:07:00.001-07:00

Girl: Do you really
love me?
Boy: Of course I do.
Girl: I wanna hear you say it.
Boy: I don’t have to.
...Girl: Why not?
...Boy: Because...
Girl: I just want to hear you say it
in words.
Boy: I can’t...
The girl started to cry softly and
said:Then you don't love me...
The two continued to walk in
silence.
They reached the girls home.
Girl: Why?
Boy: Do you really want to know?
Girl: (hesitantly) Yes.
He hugged her gently, kissed the
tip of her nose and whispered in
her ear,
"Because three words are not
enough...

Prettiest smile

2011-07-12T07:06:00.000-07:00

Guy - Can I c0nfess s0mething?
Girl - Sure!
Guy - You've the prettiest smile I`ve ever seen ? ..
Girl - Can I confess s0mething as well?
Guy - Yeahh.
...Girl - This smile only exists because 0f y0uu =]

Two teardrops were floating down the river ...

2011-07-12T07:05:00.002-07:00

Two teardrops were floating down the river ...

One teardrop asked other " I'm the teardrop of a girl who loved a man & lost him . Who are you ?"
The other replied "I'm the teardrop of the man who regrets letting that girl go.. " :'(

Give Ur 100% to Everything U do & Sleep Peacefully..!

2011-07-12T07:05:00.001-07:00

A Boy and a Girl were Playing Together,
The Boy had a Collection of Marbles..
and The Girl had some Sweets with Her..!

The Boy told the Girl that;
..."he will give Ger all His Marbles
In Exchange for Her Sweets.."

The Girl Agreed;
The Boy kept the biggest
and the most Beautiful Marble Aside;
and gave the Rest to the Girl..!
But The Girl gave Him all Her Sweets
as She had Promised..=)

That Night, the Girl Slept Peacefully,
But the Boy couldn't Sleep as He kept Wondering
If the Girl had Hidden some Sweets from Him
the Way He had Hidden His best Marble..=(

->Moral of the Story:
If you don't give your 100% in a Relationship,
you'll always keep Doubting;
If the Other Person has Given His/Her 100% !!

This is Applicable for any Relationship;
Give Ur 100% to Everything U do & Sleep Peacefully..! =)

My heart stopped beating ....

2011-07-12T07:04:00.000-07:00

12 Months ago...
I met her and thought "wow"
10 Months ago...
I was so happy to be with her
8 Months ago...
...She was perfect in every way
6 Months ago...
She was everything i'd ever wanted
4 Months ago...
I couldn't imagine life without her
2 Months ago...
She told me he had to move away
1 Month ago...
I seemed so lost, so broken
1 Day ago...
She left
1 Hour ago...
My heart stopped beating ....

True love never dies.....!!

2011-07-12T07:03:00.002-07:00

A local teenage girl died 8 months ago.....
While on Facebook I saw that her boyfriend still has her listed as his girlfriend...
True love never dies.....!!

Cutest Proposal ever by a Boy

2011-07-12T07:03:00.001-07:00

Cutest Proposal ever by a Boy:

"Tell me..
am i right to think that
there could be
...nothing better than making you my bride
and
slowly growing old together...??

Let me love u the way i dO

2011-07-12T07:02:00.002-07:00

Gal- I love you ...
boy - I love u 2...
gal - I love u 3....
boy -I love u 4....
gal - I love u 4,5,6,7 n so on.
...*and i won*

boy - Hahaha...Awww... U r still a small baby
playing with numbers
Bt neva play with my heart.
Now sit quite n let me love u the way i dO....♥

I'm dreaming of you in my sleep

2011-07-12T07:02:00.001-07:00

GirL: How many hours a day do you think of me?

BOy: 16 hours .

Girl: What? what about the remaining 8 hours?

BoY: The other 8 is when I'm dreaming of you in my sleep ♥

Forgetting all our memories

2011-07-12T07:01:00.002-07:00

This lie's become a part of me
For months, I've played this game
Acting like it doesn't hurt
Each time I hear his name,

......Ignoring what's inside of me
Pretending I've moved on
As if the feelings I once had
For him are somehow gone,

Spending each and every day
With happiness and laughs
Forgetting all our memories
Avoiding photographs,

But last night when I saw him
For the first time since he left
My heart stopped for a moment
I couldn't catch my breath,

When suddenly it hit me
As the tears started to flow
That even after all this time
I just can't let him go !!!

Love without forgiveness

2011-07-12T07:01:00.001-07:00

There is no love without forgiveness,

and

there is no forgiveness without love.

"What is DREAM..?"

2011-07-12T06:59:00.001-07:00

An 0utstanding Answer By
A Child When Asked,
"What is DREAM..?"

He Replied:
..."Where There Is No Price
Tags 0n The Toys Which
I Love n Like The Most..."

Will you marry me....?

2011-07-12T06:58:00.000-07:00

Boy - Will you marry me....?
Girl - But.... We are two young to marry..
Boy - Yeah...!!! I know

I'm just making sure that I am the first one to ask you...
SO YOU NEVER FORGET ME... ♥

I Love My Mom A Lot ..What About You ?

2011-07-12T06:56:00.000-07:00

* One day a boy asked to his girl *

Boy: if i will gonna blind one day then what will u do??

Girl: i ll take u to the best eye specialist of the world for the best ever treatment.
...
* After some time same question he asked to his mom *

Boy: mumma u tell , if i will gonna blind one day then what will u do??

Mom: *Smiled* i ll donate my eyes to u.. coz i luv u more than my self & i can never see my son in this condition .

- Mom's Reply Itself Explains

The Moral Of The Story ..

I Love My Mom A Lot ..What About You ?

Like if you liked :) ...

Top 22 things an Indian does after returning to India from "US"

2010-07-15T23:43:00.001-07:00

Top 22 things an Indian does after returning to India from "US".

22. Use Nope for No and Yep for Yes.

21. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.

20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.

19. Sprays deo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.

18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.

17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
Says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says " Free Way " instead of "Highway".
Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)

16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.

15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)

14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).

13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.

12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)

11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"

10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.

9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".

8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.

7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.

6.. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.

5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".

4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.

Few more important

3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India , even after 4 months of arrival.

2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.

Ultimate one:
1.. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."

Reason why never visit a 5 Star Hotel

2010-07-15T23:42:00.003-07:00

Reason why never visit a 5* Hotel

Question : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"

Answer: "tea please"

Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"

Answer : "Ceylon tea "

Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?"

Answer: "white"

Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"

Answer: "With milk "

Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"

Answer: "With cow milk please.

Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"

Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "

Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"

Answer: "With sugar"

Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"

Answer: "Cane sugar "

Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"

Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."

Question: "Mineral water or still water ? "

Answer: "Mineral water"

Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"

Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst

Do Not ever ask ur BOSS a salary Increase

2010-07-15T23:42:00.001-07:00

Do Not ever ask ur BOSS a salary Increase!!!!This is what it happens !!!

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been
promoted, no transfer, no salary increase, no commendation and that the
company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his
manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his manager his
observation.

The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying "My friend,
you have not worked here for even one day". The man was surprised to hear
this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager: How many days are there in a year?

Man: 365 days and some times 366.

Manager: how many hours make up a day?

Man: 24 hours.

Manager: How long do you work in a day?

Man: 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.

Manager: So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?

Man: (He did some arithmetic and said) 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3 one third.

Manager: That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?

Man: 122.

Manager: Do you come to work on weekends?

Man: No sir.

Manager: How many days are there in a year that are weekends?

Man: 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days.

Manager: Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many
days do you now have?

Man: 18 days.

Manager: OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14
days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?

Man: 4 days.

Manager: Do you work on New Year day?

Man: No sir!

Manager: Do you come to work on workers day?

Man: No sir!

Manager: So how many days are left?

Man: 2 days sir!

Manager: Do you come to work on the National holiday?

Man: No sir!

Manager: So how many days are left?

Man: 1 day sir!

Manager: Do you work on Christmas day?

Man: No sir!

Manager: So how many days are left?

Man: None sir!

Manager: So, what are you claiming?

Man: I understood Sir! Thank you sir for all the money you have been giving
me, I am sorry for trying to steal from the Company !!!

PRICELESS WORDS

2010-07-15T23:41:00.003-07:00

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees
is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed. He looks around the room and sees that
it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.
Love You!"

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and
sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye
when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks,
"So, why is everything in order and so clean, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off,
you said,

"LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"

Moral
Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
Broken crockery - $ 800.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk – "PRICELESS "

There are truly some things that both money and Mastercard can't buy

Your Life in 2010

2010-07-15T23:41:00.001-07:00

Your Life in 2010....See IT.........~~~~~

To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!

If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend".

Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.

To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

When you lose your car keys, click on "find".

"Help" with the chores is just a click away.

You wouldn't need auto insurance. You'd use your diskette to recover from a crash.

We could click on "send" and the kids would go to bed immediately.

To feel like a new person, click on "refresh".

Click on "close" to shut up the kids and spouse.

To undo a mistake, click on "back".

Is your wardrobe getting old? Click "update".

you don't like cleaning the litter box, click on "delete".

If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over!!!

Funny FIFA 2010 World Cup questions

2010-07-15T23:39:00.000-07:00

Funny FIFA 2010 World Cup questions

These are actual questions posted on a South African Tourism Website by foreigners from around the world (posted in bracket) and were answered by the website owner (great sense of humour!).

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, its only two thousand kilometres take lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa ? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes...

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffreys Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not...oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa ? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and well send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa ? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa ? (France)
A: No, WE don t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa ? (USA)
A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa ? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we ' ll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

First Time with Tiger

2009-02-02T11:18:00.000-08:00

A couple on their honeymoon, lying in bed, honeymoon suite Tinto Hotel, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've only been with one guy before."
"Oh yes? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yes it was."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yes? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yes? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it again."
The guy, not to be outshone slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.
When they finish he's really tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole.

English Sms Jokes

Politically Correct

2009-02-02T11:16:00.000-08:00

THIS IS A NONPARTISAN JOKE THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY BOTH PARTIES!
NOT ONLY THAT-- it is POLITICALLY CORRECT!!

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the senator.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the senator. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
What happened?'

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning.. ..

Today you voted.

Ever Played Poker

2009-02-02T11:12:00.001-08:00

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?' Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you £500.'

After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.

Sue told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 pm. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of £500 - they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.

Jim quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. And upon arriving, asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'

With a lump in her throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.' Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, 'And did he give you £500?'

Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did give me £500.'

Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He came by the office this morning and borrowed £500 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.'

Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player . . .

English Love Sms Jokes

Little Johnny strikes again....

2009-02-02T11:06:00.000-08:00

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and
we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'

The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
fascinate, not fascinating'.

Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see RockCity and I > was fascinated.'

The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the
word 'fascinate'

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been
burned by little Johnny before.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate',
so she called on him.

Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'

The teacher sat down and cried.

English Funny Sms Jokes

Obama v Genie

2009-02-02T11:04:00.000-08:00

While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the sand and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said,

"Master, may I grant you one wish?"

Osama responded, "You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything."

The shocked genie said, "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever."

Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said, "Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you." The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared.

The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton at his side. His pen!s was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.

English Funny Sms

Exam Paper In New Style

2009-02-01T09:16:00.000-08:00

Funny Exam Paper

[This one's little difficult than last year's]

1. Write your name in less than 20 minutes and 20 letters (only alphabet are allowed, no numeric
digits or "_" allowed)

2. Sex?
( ) Male
( ) Female
( ) Don't know.

3. What's your age group?
( ) less than 0
( ) equal to 0
( ) greater than 0

4. What is 2 + 2=?
( ) FOUR
( ) 4
( ) IV

5. If you have one brother, how many brothers
does your brother have?
( ) none
( ) one
( ) question is too personal

6. Complete the following sentence... (4marks)
______ ________ ________ _________ .

7. If there are 365 days in a year, how many days make a year?
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8. Read the statement carefully and answer the following question:
"My mother's daughter's brother's mother's mother's daughter's husband's wife is my mother herself".

Q. How many times the word "mother" appears in the above statement?
( ) None
( ) some times
( ) uncountable

9. If someone gives you a rupee for 100 paise, would you get:
( ) One rupee?
( ) 100 paise?

10. Write an Essay on "MYSELF" in not more than three sentences...
(HINT: My Name is ___________ (same as in [1] ).
I am a _______(boy/girl). (I am writing an essay.)

11. If the time is 3.00 a. m., what does your digital watch show?

12. At what time does the 11.16 hours Indrayani Express come?

13. What do you do on a honeymoon?
( ) Collect Honey
( ) Admire Moon
( ) Collect Honey while admiring the moon

14. Earth is Flat?
( ) False
( ) Indeed False

15. If A = B and B = C then is B = A?
( ) TRUE
( ) NOT FALSE
( ) OUT OF SYLLABUS
Sardar Ji Sms
16. If you eat lunch during lunchtime, what will you have during dinnertime?

17. Think and write the present tense of THOUGHT.

18. Complete the following poem:
Mary had a little lamb
Little lamb little lamb_ (HINT: "." or "@" or"^")

19. This is question number
( ) 1
( ) 19
( ) 20

20. If 2 + 3 = 5, 3 + 2 = 5??
( ) YES
( ) I FORGOT TO GET MY CALCULATOR

21. Write full form of ASAP, as soon as possible ( Hint...As Soon as.. )

22. Opposite of the word "IN" is
( ) NOT IN
( ) CRICKET
( ) HOCKEY

23. What is the capital of India?
( ) India
( ) INDia
( ) INDIA

24. a, e, i, o and u are collectively called "vowels". What are e, a,o, u and i called?

25. Fill in the blank:
I am _________ a letter.
( ) READING
( ) WRITING
( ) SEALING

26. Who was the first MAN to land on moon?
( ) MR. ARMSTRONG
( ) MISS ARMSTRONG
( ) MRS ARMSTRONG

27. What comes first?
( ) the Egg
( ) the Omelet

28. Can you count more than five using your hands?
( ) YES
( ) NO

29. Spell M-Y-T-H-O-L-O-G-Y

30. Mrs. Sinha is Mr. Sinha's
( ) Father
( ) Brother
( ) Son
( ) Daughter

31. Car A starts from X and car B starts from Y. X and Y are located 100 miles apart from each other. How many wheels does each car have?
( ) One
( ) Four
( ) Seven

32. To reach the 12th floor of the World Trade Center, how many buttons would you press in the elevator?
( ) ONE
( ) TWELVE

33. Complete the following series [this question carries 3 marks]
1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, _, _, _.

34. This one tests your imagination. SUN is nearer to India than AMERICA because...
( ) SUN is smaller than AMERICA
( ) One can see SUN, but not AMERICA
( ) I do not have any time left to think on this one.

35. On which day Good Friday falls
( ) Sunday
( ) Wednesday
( ) Saturday

Rules Of Indian Cinema

2009-02-01T09:12:00.000-08:00

1) Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the villain (who is the *real* bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine - see rule 2 below).

2) if the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will a) die b) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

3) If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

English Funny Sms
4) Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be overruled. Else, it will be sustained.

5) The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide.

6) In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.

7) When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
a) miss
b) run out of bullets. When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule 2).

8 ) Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of a) pots b) barrels c) glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.

9) Any movie involving lost and found brothers will have a song sung by
a) the brothers
b) their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the climax)
c) the family dog/cat.

English Love Sms
10) 10. Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in two categories:
a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killedby the villain before the titles.
b) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in Rule 1), saying "Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte", only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with the anti-hero.
c) The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.

Wife Wanted

2009-02-01T09:08:00.000-08:00

Wife Wanted

FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of the motorboat.

SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelors around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and successful career!

ECONOMIST
There is demand of a wife. Though supply is no problem, my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.

MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.

IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the inclusion of a wife into the programming of my life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue.

BUSINESS MAN
Wife wanted for company.

POLITICIAN
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society..... ......... ... (etc etc and never getting to the point)

CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition. Should not have a third party insurance.

FARMER
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.

LAWYER
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly - a girl with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would be overruled. Apply in strictest confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on your part of any kind whatsoever.

PILOT
Wife required to fly through life together. Only level headed applicants need apply. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!

BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service for which no service charges would be payable.

ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl endowed with mind boggling assets + a good head for figures. remember BOTH conditions need be fulfilled. Tendency towards making unnecessary expenditure will prove to be a liability in the selection process. Her very nature should be one of generating as more income in my life as possible. She will be profited from the alliance with a nice personality [ME] and this relation will be to the credit of her family.

SHARABI
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round that is only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can take me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be ample.

BUILDER
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up. Pillars of solid saftey and beams of understanding will be provided.

DOCTOR
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness i am experiencing. She must be capable of injecting happiness in my life. She should not wrangle me in the vicious circle of multiple tests. However if she feels the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.

ARMY COMMANDO
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Camouflage provided.

RACE CAR DRIVER
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace.

ASTRONAUT
I'm searching for a wife to fill the black hole my life has become. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world.

English Funny Sms Collection 1

2009-01-12T10:50:00.000-08:00

* Quaid-e-Azam Paindabad
Hello,Hope enjoying the best of ur health and independence.Lets pray 4 our beloved Quaid Muhammad Ali Jinnah as he will be remember 4 years and years.Pakistan zindabad Quaid-e-Azam Paindabad:-)

English Friendship SMS

* Give me money...
Begger: sir plz give Rs.6 for coffeee?

Man: Coffee? It's Rs.3.

Begger: 1 for my girlfriennd ad 1 for me..

Man: Wow!!U too made GF?

Begger: No sir..Gf made me...4 (......)
* Kindly let me know is it singular or plural
Kindly let me know is it singular or plural

for this question Santa's son was slapped

by his Grammer teacher :

Why did the Grammer teacher slap Santa's Son?

B'coz he asked: Why is BRA Singular, when it covers 2 items

&

PANTIES Plural when it Covers one item?

* If Dhoni Weds Sania.
If Dhoni Weds Sania.

What Would Their First Child Be Named
-
-
-
-
Think..
-
-
-
-
Think..
-
-
-
-

-
-
-
-
Think..
-
-
-
-
Dhania.

* Sum1 Kills AMIR’S GF
Sum1 Kills AMIR’S GF

& He Loses His Memory.

Thn He Tries To Findout D Killer.

Suspense:AMIR Himself Is D Killer.

Now Enjoy Watchng GHAJINI
* women for mathemeticians
1. To find a woman you need Time and Money.
Therefore
Woman = Time * Money

2. "Time is Money"
So
Time = Money

3.Therefore
Woman = Money * Money

4. "Money is the root of all problem"
Money = Sqrt(Problem)

5. Therefore
Woman = Problem.

Santa Banta Jokes

* Democratic difference b/w USA & PAKISTAN
Democratic difference b/w USA & PAKISTAN

In USA U can kiss in a public place but can't susu.

In Pakistan U can susu in a public place but can't kiss:-)

Letter To Bill Gates

2009-01-12T10:47:00.000-08:00

Letter is from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft
Subject: Problems with my new computer.

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some
problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I
find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find'
button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is noteven a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not
provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,

Banta

Last one to Mr Bill Gates :

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS??

English Funny Santa Banta Sms
English Friendship SMS

3 Parrots

2009-01-12T10:43:00.002-08:00

3 Parrots
A man wanted to buy a parrot for his son as a birthday present.
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw
three identical parrots in a cage.

He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?

The owner said it was Rs. 2500.
"Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk.
"He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."

The man then asked what the second parrot cost.
The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,
but is an expert Dot Net Programmer
Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."
Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.
The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything and I really don’t know about his expertise.

But the other two call him "BOSS"!!

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Women are always clever.

2009-01-12T10:39:00.000-08:00

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you...to leave."

Man: "Hey Cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"
Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

English Funny Sms
English Love SMS

INTERVIEW

2009-01-12T10:35:00.000-08:00

An INTERVIEW

OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY

CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR

OFFICER : YOUR FATHER'S NAME ?

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?

CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR

OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?

CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR

OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION?

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ?

CANDIDATE : METRIC PASS sir

OFFICER : WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ?

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?

CANDIDATE : MONEY PROBLEM SIR

OFFICER : DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY

CANDIDATE : MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR

OFFICER : THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW

CANDIDATE : M P. SIR

OFFICER : WHAT IS IT NOW

CANDIDATE : MY PERFORMANCE....? sir

OFFICER : M P !!!

CANDIDATE : WHAT IS THAT SIR..?

OFFICER : MENTALLY PUNCTURED

Cute English Funny Sms Jokes

The Success of Marriage

2009-01-12T10:26:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?" .
She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."

Husband:"That's it. We are happy ever after. "

Best Husband Wife Sms
Best Funny Sms

BillGates Dream

2009-01-12T10:22:00.000-08:00

Well, Bill," said God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure
whether to send you to Heaven or Hell! After all, you helped society
enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet
you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've never
done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"

Mr. Gates replied, "Well, thanks, Lord. What's the difference between
the two?"

God said, "You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help
you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?" "Sure!" said Bill. "Let's go!"

Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters.
There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the
water, laughing and fro@@@@ about.

The sun was shining and the temperature was just perfect!

Bill said, "This is great! If this is Hell, I can't wait to see
Heaven!"

To which God replied, "Let's go!" and off they went. Bill saw puffy
white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing
harps and singing.

It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for
only a brief moment and rendered his decision.

"God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell."

"As you desire," said God.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see
how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming
among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by
demons.

"How ya doin', Bill?" asked God. Bill responded with anguish and
despair.

"This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to
the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?"

"Oh, THAT!" said God.
"That was the screen saver"....!!!!!!!!!

English Funny Jokes

Eid Greetings Sms

2008-11-30T09:00:00.000-08:00

++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++(¨`·.·´¨)++++++++
++++++++(¨`·.·´¨).¸.(¨`·.·´¨)++++++
++++(¨`·.·´`·.¸.·´+++`·.¸.·´`·.·´¨)+++
++++` ·.¸.·´ **++++
++++++++++*EID*+++++
++++++++*MUBARIK!!* +++
+++++++++(¨`·.·´¨) (¨`·.·´¨)++++
++++++++++`·.¸(¨`·.·´¨)..·´+++++
+++++++++++++`·.¸.·´++++++
+++++++++++++++

*********************************

¶¶______¶¶________¶________¶¶¶¶¶¶¶____¶¶¶¶¶¶¶___¶¶______¶¶
¶¶______¶¶_______¶¶¶_______¶¶____¶¶___¶¶____¶¶___¶¶____¶¶
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¶¶______¶¶___¶¶_______¶¶___¶¶_________¶¶____________¶¶
¶¶______¶¶__¶¶_________¶¶__¶¶_________¶¶____________¶¶

_____¶_______________________________________________¶
____¶_¶_________¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶___¶¶_____¶¶¶¶¶¶____________¶_¶
¶¶¶¶___¶¶¶¶_____¶¶_________¶¶_____¶¶____¶¶______¶¶¶¶___¶¶¶¶
_¶_______¶______¶¶_________¶¶_____¶¶_____¶¶______¶_______¶
__¶_____¶_______¶¶¶¶¶¶_____¶¶_____¶¶_____¶¶_______¶_____¶
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¶¶¶¶___¶¶¶¶_____¶¶_________¶¶_____¶¶____¶¶______¶¶¶¶___¶¶¶¶
____¶_¶_________¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶___¶¶_____¶¶¶¶¶¶___________
IN ADVANCE HAPPY EID!!!!.

***************************************
Funny Sms Forum

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«`“•.¸.¤ Happy EID ¤.¸.•“´»
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«`“•.¸.¤Have a beautiful and memorable EID DAY.¸.•“´»
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**************************************

____***_________***__***________***____
___***____________****___________***___
__***______________**_____________***__
__***____HEARTBEATS are COUNTLESS____***__
__***_______SPIRITS are AGELESS_______***__
___***_______DREAMS are ENDLESS_____***__
____***FRIENDS LIKE you are PRICELESS__***___
_____***_____thnkx_4_being______***_____
______***_________MY__________***_____
________***_____FRIEND_______***_______
__________***______________***_________
____________***__________***___________
_______________***____***______________
_________________******________________
___________________**_________

*********************************************

This is a Eid wish, that’s being sent your way, Hoping this will bring you joy, and brighten up your day. Eid mubarak!

**********************************************

•*´ ??¨`*•.¸¸.•*´ ??¨`*•.¸¸.•*´ ??¨`*•.
.•*´ ??¨`*•.¸¸.•*´ ??¨`*•.¸¸.•*´ ??¨`*•.

……………….Eid Mubarak !………………..

.•*´ ??¨`*•.¸¸.•*´ ??¨`*•.¸¸.•*´ ??¨`*•.
.•*´ ??¨`*•.¸¸.•*´ ??¨`*•.¸¸.•*´ ??¨`*•

**************************************

+++++++++++(¨`·.·´¨)+++++++++++++++
++++++++(¨`·.·´¨).¸.(¨`·.·´¨)+++++++++
++++(¨`·.·´`·.¸.·´ +++ `·.¸.·´`·.·´¨)+++Hi..
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@@@@@@@___@@__@@@@_______
@@__________@@__@@__@@_____
@@@@@______@@__@@___@@____
@@__________@@__@@__@@_____
@@@@@@@___@@__@@@@_______

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

EiD MuBaRak ToO YOu ANd YoUr FaMiLy…

MaY ThE WaRmTh AnD FeStIvItY Of ThE EiD SeAsOn FIll AuR WoRlD WiTh CoNtieNtMenT And PeAcE….
Eid Mubarak SMS

********************************************

Flowers have a charming way of showing one’s regard that’s why I have sent my greetings on this special card to wish you Eid happiness and blessed life too. Have a special Eid day!

**********************************************

Wish you very Happy Eid ahead…May this EID bring lot ov happiness and joys in your life…

?•*´¨`*•.¸•*•….,• ? •,….•*•¸.•*´¨`*•.¸ ? •*´¨`*•.¸•*•….,• ?
( `•.¸ _______________________________________ ( `•.¸
`•.¸ ) ______________ Eid _____________________ ` •.¸ )
¸.•´ _____________ Mubarak! ____________________ ¸.•´
( `•.¸ _____________ Have _____________________ ( `•.¸
`•.¸ ) ______________ A ______________________ `•.¸ )
¸.• )´ __________ Blessed day! __________________ ¸.• )´
? •*´¨`*•.¸•*•….,• ? •,….•*•¸.•*´¨`*•.¸ ? •*´¨`*•.¸•*•….,• ?

*************************************************

¦¦¦¦(¨`•.•´¨)¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦(¨`•.•´¨)EID MUBARAK ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦
¦¦¦¦¦`•.¸(¨`•.•´¨)¦¦¦¦¦`•.¸(¨`•.•´¨)¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦
¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦`•.¸.•´ ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦`•.¸.•´ ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦
Do Remeber Me in Your Prayers
~~,.~., . *..`~’ ´.,.~.,
~~(;@;) ,*.,.~.,* (;@;)
~~*`~´.* .(;@;).`~’´
~~. ,~. ,.* . `~ ´ *.*´.,~.,
~~(;@;). ,.~. ,´ .*.* .(;@;)
~~ `~´..(;@;) *.*,.~. ,`~’´
~~~,.~.,`~.´ *..*(;@;) *.. *
~~ (;@;)*.. ,.~., .`’~ ´,.~.,
~~~`~’.´ *.(;@;)*.*. (;@;)
~~~~~*,.~.,`~´,.~,.´`~´
~~~~~ (;@;).*.(;@;).**.
~~~~~ `~´ * ~ `~’.´~
~,____*:( ;@;)*(;@;).*;’___,
~ \___\,*`.’;:( ;@;),*;,*/___/
~~~~ ,___\*:;:;`.’*/___,
~~~~ \___\,\\|//,/___/
~~~~~~,—.\\|,/,—,
~~~~~~(_ -}.(_){-_ )
~~~~~~.’—’ /|\ `—’
~.~~~~~ / /|||\ \

********************************************

May the Eid bring you every joy and may the coming days be filled with lasting Happiness. Eid Mubarak

*********************************************

Thoughts of you will always be a special part of EID

Eid mubarak!

*******************************************

English Sms Jokes

2008-11-18T23:54:00.000-08:00

I need you to know our friendship means a lot -
If you cry then I cry,
if you laugh then I laugh..
if you jump out the window
I look down then....I laugh again

******************************************
Funny Sms
Always draw a circle around the ones you love,
never draw a heart because hearts can be broken,
but circles are never ending.

*******************************************

Without humor, life sucks
Without Love, Life seems hopeless.
But without a friend like you,
life is nearly impossible.

*******************************************

CNN News.
Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama.
FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

**********************************************

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog,
to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog,
for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ...
Now read without the word dog.

***********************************************

Why were males created before females?
Because you always need a rough draft before the final copy

***********************************************

Hey friend remember that without stupidity
there can be no wisdom and
without ugliness there can be no beauty.
so the world needs YOU after all!

*************************************************

Girls are like phones,
we like to be held and talked too,
but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

*************************************************

3 monkeys escaped from zoo!
Ist watching T.V. 2nd plays soccer n 3rd is...
Not u yaar ! 3rd is eating banana.y u r always think u r a monkey

**************************************************

Today is Donald Duck's birthday .... :)
So wish him by sending this sms to every cartoon you know.
Just like I did by sending this sms to you...

**************************************************

Medicines and friendship
cure our problems.
The only difference is that,
Friendship don't have an expiry date.

**************************************************

Friendship is the rainbow between
2 hearts
sharing of 7 colors.
1.LOVE
2.SADNESS
3.HAPPINESS
4.TRUST
5.FAITH
6.SECRET
7.CARE
Take Care n Have a nice day:-)

*********************************************

This iz crime story
5 frndz lived in a room
Namely
MAD
BRAIN
FOOL
NOBODY
SOMEBODY
1day SOMEBODY killed NOBODY.
At that time BRAIN was in bathroom,
MAD called police.
MAD:Is it police station?
Police:Yes,wht iz the matter?
MAD:SOMEBODY killed NOBODY.
Police:R u mad?
MAD:Yes,i"m MAD.
Police:Dnt u've BRAIN.
MAD:BRAIN iz in bathroom..
Police:U FOOL...
MAD:No,FOOL is reading this sMs

*******************************************
Funny Sms Forum
Let me
draw ur
face!
Dont
MOVE!
Nearly
finished
OK
Done!
Wanna have
a look?
.,|!|,.
( o)(o)
( ,)

***************************************

Hey listen......
Two people were asking
Me about you,
I give them ur address
And cell no,
They will b visiting u soon,
Their names r joy n happiness.

****************************************

GALILEO:
great mind
EINSTEIN:
genius mind
NEWTON:
extraordinary mind
BILL GATES
brilliant mind
ME:
master mind
YOU:
oh!
never mind

****************************************

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
Panic is when both are pregnant.

*****************************************

Remembering my class mates

2008-11-12T22:57:00.000-08:00

Remembering my class mates, after few years,
My eyes were filled with tears,
Everyone now is busy a lot,
No one escaped destinyâ€™s plot

Saw the girl, whom once i thought as my best frnd,
Oops! today she is somebody elseâ€™s girlfrnd,
After months remembered about her for a little while,
Heard she is happy,that made me smile.

Project reviews to campus interviews,
Nicknames to last bench games,
Cultural rehearsals to love proposals,
Short term crushes to class room blushes.

Everything is fresh in our mind,
Wish life could just rewind,
Letâ€™s laugh, play & rejoice,
Once again become school/college guys.

Chatting & laughing. We all were in elation,
Till the painful moments of seperation,
When it was time to part,
We returned with a heavy heart.

Today life is full of commitments,
And too many worries,
But those cherished moments,
Will live forever in our memories!!!

How could I be so naive and silly?

2008-11-12T22:54:00.000-08:00

How could I be so naive and silly?

How could I be so naive and silly?
To love You so much, so deeply
without thinking about the reality
I trusted You completely
& dedicated my whole self to You entirely
A little care shown by you
took me out of my blues
I thought You loved me too
the same way as I loved You!
But now today I know
no flower survives the heavy snow
How empty,unspoken words
could make you feel this love?
I am lost and lonely again
with an excruciating pain
looks like all my prayers have gone in vain
And now I’ve come to realize that
each day was a step towards losing you
I lost You before I even found You…

I CannOt StAy AwAy FrOm YoU !

2008-11-12T22:51:00.000-08:00

I CannOt StAy AwAy FrOm YoU !
I went to the moon, You ran to the stars,
What is the reason, we went so far…..

Now that all things are, said & done,
U called from the star & said, “Just for fun”.

If it was for fun, then tell me dear
What is the thing you & I fear??

What bout the days, months & years,
We lived together, without any fear,
What bout the days we laughed & cried,
You even forgot, we had a “Smile!!”

So I’ll like to end this small story,
With a wish from my heart;
I wish the moon & star get together,
And hope that,”We never fell Apart!!

Always remember that….
“I CannOt StAy AwAy FrOm YoU !”

WOMEN ARE COMPLEX CREATURES!!!

2008-11-12T22:47:00.000-08:00

WOMEN ARE COMPLEX CREATURES!!!

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don’t, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don’t, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don’t, you are not understanding

If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don’t, she accuses you of double-crossing

Bengali SMS Jokes
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don’t, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it’s bad
If you don’t, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn’t respect her
If you don’t, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it’s hard to wait
If she is late, she says that’s a girl’s way

If you visit another woman, you’re not putting in “quality time”
If she is visited by another man, “oh it’s natural, we are girls”

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it’s just one of men’s tactics for seduction

If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

English Friendship SMS

If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk

In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so…
So confusing, yet…
So damning, yet….

–
If Ur Not Expecting Anything In Life,
Then Ur Living The Real LIFE!!!!!

English Poetry

2008-11-12T22:39:00.000-08:00

I lost You before I even found You….

How could I be so naive and silly?
To love You so much, so deeply
without thinking about the reality
I trusted You completely
& dedicated my whole self to You entirely
A little care shown by you
took me out of my blues
I thought You loved me too
the same way as I loved You!
But now today I know
no flower survives the heavy snow
How empty,unspoken words
could make you feel this love?
I am lost and lonely again
with an excruciating pain
looks like all my prayers have gone in vain
And now I’ve come to realize that
each day was a step towards losing you
I lost You before I even found You…

Vacancy 4 a True Friend

Hi
yep you’ve read it correct there is a vacency.
Vacancy 4 a True Friend and these are the requirement :
Eligibility: Loving & Caring,
Duty: To Luv,
Experience: Not required,
Salary: Never Ending Friendship,
Joining: ASAP,
Agreement : Lifetime

60 Things Every Girl Wants But Wont Ask For

2008-11-12T22:32:00.000-08:00

60 Things Every Girl Wants But Wont Ask For

1. Touch her waist.

2. Actually talk to her.

3. Share secrets with her.

4. Give her of your sweatshirts

5. Kiss her slowly –Are you remembering this?

6. Hug her.

7. Hold her.

8. Laugh with her.

9. Invite her somewhere.

10. Hangout with her and your friends together

11. Smile with her.

12. Take pictures with her

13. Pull her onto your lap.

14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.

15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it.

16. Are you thinking of someone?

17. Always hug her and say hi whenever you see her.

18. Kiss her unexpectedly.

19. Hug her from behind around the waist.

20. Tell her she’s beautiful.

21. Tell her the way you feel about her.

22. Open doors for her, walk her to her car- it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.

23. Tell her she’s your everything - ONLY if you mean it.

24. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT- so dont keep on asking her just hug her

25. Make her feel loved.

26. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know.

27. WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE IT AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US

28. DON’T lie to her! DON’T cheat on her

29. take her ANYWHERE she wants

30. Text messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work {or school}, and how much you MISS her

31. Be there for her whenever she needs you, & even when she doesn’t need you, just be there so she’ll know that she can ALWAYS count on you. –ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER BECAUSE, IT’S IMPORTANT

32. Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold YOU too.

33. When you are ALONE hold her close and kiss her.

34. Kiss her on the CHEEK; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).

35. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her LIGHTLY.

36. Don’t EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If shes upset, comfort her.

37. When she leaves, pull her back. –REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT

38. When people DISS her, stand up for her.

39. Look deep into her EYES and tell her you love her.

40. Lay down under the STARS and put her head on your chest so you can cuddle (i think this one is most romantic tip J )

41. When walking next to each other lightly touch her HAND and softly grab it.

42. When you hug her HOLD her in your arms as LONG as possible–MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED

43. Call or text her EVERY night to wish her sweet dreams.

44. Take her for LONG walks at night.

45. ALWAYS remind her how much you love her

46. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe away her tears

47. Rub her back–feels good

48. Give her your coat if she’s cold-

49. Write letters on her back with your finger

50. Let her sit on your lap

51. DON’T poke her hard…but if you want to mess around just do it lightly.

52. HOLD her HAND in PUBLIC

53. Even if she looks BAD one day tell her she’s BEAUTIFUL

54. Keep conversations flowing…talk about anything usually they just go along with it.

55. If their hair is in their face move it out of her face and then kiss her passionately and gently.

56. Surprisingly sneek up on her and hug her from behind–loves it.

57. Kiss her in the rain.(this one is my favourite … somebody listening?? )

58. Pick her up like in The Notebook and kiss her

59. Slow dance with no music

60. Don’t ignore her or be nervous around her–everythings going to be okay

Latest English Funny SMS and Jokes

2008-10-16T10:22:00.000-07:00

The word "WOMAN" has "MAN" in it,
Mrs has Mr in it,
FEMALE has "MALE" in it,
She has "HE" in it,
MADAM has ADAM in it,
No wonder "MEN" always wanna be INSIDE WOMEN.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

A chinees couple have three sons,
When 1st son born, they named him HUE-CHING-CHONG,
When 2nd son born, they named him MUI-Zingh-Zhong,
But their third son is BLACK, they named him SOME-THING-IS-WRONG.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

WARNING: mobile phones causes radiation and it results in brain damage!
But you are safe.
It only effects people with brains!

How lucky you are, no brain no stress!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.
Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?
French: Toilette pepper!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

From Mon to Sun,
From Jan To Dec,
From birth till my death,
my feelings for you have never changed. For me, you've always been...........
"A Headache"!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Today, tommorow and yesterday there will be
one heart that would always beat for you
You know Whose???
your Own Stupid!!!
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Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives.
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What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What Men Know About Women".
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Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
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What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant.
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Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
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New Collection of English Funny SMS

2008-10-16T10:17:00.000-07:00

A Sincere Traffic Police Was Suspended From His Job.

.

Why?

.

.

B'coz He Charged D Ambulance 4 Over Speed.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Forward this msg to 10 peoples
&
You will get nothing!!!

Its true.
Its working.

Even I didnt get anything!!!
Except a Lovely Smile on your Face.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

What is Depth of Friendship?
?
?
?
Its when you Best Friend runs with your Lover,
And you Miss you Best Friend.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

A Smile costs less than Electricity.
But..
Gives more light !!
So Always Keep Smiling.. &
Prove that u are the Best TubeLight!!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Politics is the art of looking for trouble,
finding it whether it exists or not,
diagnosing it incorrectly,
and applying the wrong remedy.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

A student wrote a letter to his father from Hostel:

Dear Dad!

No Mony, No Fun

Your Son.

His Father Replied:

Dear Son!

So Sad, Very Bad,

Your Dad!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

All people in this world

Be it Indians or Americans
Be it Canadian or Australian

Atleast once a day
Stand on single leg for

*
*

Changing underwear!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

If you are going through Hell then?

.
.
.
.
.
Then.
.
.
.
.
Then
.

.
Keep going..
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